Thursday, 26 April 2012

Avengers Assemble - A Review

This is a review of the new* film, "Avengers Assemble", which has Robert Downey Junior in it somewhere. The film itself is one I won't be going to see because, as I understand, it is a collection of comic heroes from other films all brought together to form one new film and I've never had the desire to watch any of the other films so it's likely I won't have much interest in this one either.

 After filming the actors were probably tired, meaning the acting is possibly edited to remove the tiredness of the previous day's filming from the faces of those given primary roles. The action sequences, having been produced and collated in 2012, most probably have a lot of effects and I find that sometimes, while these effects are outstanding, they also take a lot away from the film and wow the audience into thinking the film doesn't need a plot. I prefer those films where people stand around talking for ages and then something happens and they all go "Wipe out. I didn't expect that." with absolutely no effects at all.

 Even with the addition of 3D, which is a concept meaning essentially the characters are just made bigger to make it seem like they're closer (Think 'Father Ted') I don't think I could be enticed to watch a load of characters from other films I haven't seen come together and save the world from an evil presence that could have taken it's chance when they were all separate, insinuating it would have been easier to deal with. I would suggest going to see this film if you want to as I can give you no real insight, however like all reviews this is my opinion and therefore not something you should consider before going to see something. If you like it you'll know fairly soon into the film and if you don't like comic action films then chances are this won't float your boat and you should have thought about that before your mate said he had tickets and you might as well go because you never go out any more due to 'the incident' and you thought perhaps he was right. 

(*'new' refers to right now, when I am writing this post. If you come across it in 2026 and think 'this isn't new, what's he talking about? That film is beyond ancient' then it's because effectively you're from the future.)

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

New Blog

This year I'm writing a new blog. It concerns the fact that special occasions occur so often and are so close together that they cease to seem special any more and also suggests how much could be saved by ignoring certain occasions.

It's currently showing here:

It may appear in book form next year, however you can get it now for free.

Saturday, 11 February 2012


February the 14th is probably in your diaries as a date for cuddling up and getting involved with your other half or, at least, checking on them with your binoculars if you haven't yet been formally introduced.

Mark your diary again for the release of my debut novel, Banned. Here's the back cover to tell you what it's about. We're also relaunching that day, so make that your first stop for eBook or print copies.

"Pints. Lines. Fans. Lights. Gigs. Knives. Sex. Fights.

Not for the easily offended, this story offers no escape to an idyllic place or any insight into the life of those in the limelight.

Welcome to the world of Heroine of the Speed Machine, a band born of nothing that always looked towards the stars. This is one member's account of life on the road and in the studio as they battle between making the music and taking the substances. All the glamour of celebrity is stripped away in this raw account of sleeping rough, staying on top and scoring as often as possible."

Friday, 13 January 2012

Lame To Fame

A few years ago a small publication named Viz ( ran a regular feature called 'Lame to Fame', where readers would write in and suggest ever more extravagant links to celebrities. "I once had a drink with a bloke who had caught Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon's dog after it had escaped from his big house" - that sort of thing.

I thought about my various lames to fame recently as I was working in a department that boasts Formula 1 driver Paul Di Resta's cousin as an employee. I even saw her briefly. She ignored me as I was playing 'guy in overalls' in my own life, but that's irrelevant.

I have two that really stand out. I was once close enough to Martin Clunes on St Michael's Mount causeway to push him in (He wasn't looking very happy so that would have REALLY made his day) and my sister's partner went to school with Muse, listening to them in their garage before they were famous.

Hopefully this clears up why I seem offish and unfriendly whenever people speak to me. I'm practically royalty.