Saturday, 23 November 2013

Terry's Train of Thought

Terry's Train of Thought is a weekly extravaganza of music and chat from 10am - 11.30am every Friday on Redruth Radio. As well as requests and shout outs Terry regularly delves back into the long lost music of the 90's and 2000's, hoping to stir the kid that's lurking inside all of us.

There are regular features such as the Pound Shop album of the week, inspired by the quality of CDs available in local dirt cheap establishments and proving just how stuck in the best of the past Terry really is. He also takes a look at obscure sports of the world with the help of Producer Simon, from the World Beard and Moustache Championships to Chess Boxing, highlighting the variety of activities that people spend their spare time doing.

There is a weekly competition in association with giving listeners the chance to win tickets to a LS event in Cornwall. To be in with a chance of winning involves running onto the LS page during the show and answering a simple question.

Listeners can get in touch with the show either via, or via text on 07726591241. Often Producer Mary is manning the contact forums so be sure to say Hello and get your requests in early.

Anybody missing the show can always catch up later that evening at and past shows will be there for weeks afterwards. Join us for the best music, chat and reviews of films that Terry will never go to see in our regular 'One To Maybe Miss' feature.

Tune in every Friday at 10am via

Saturday, 9 November 2013

The Problems with Dial Up



The server has been interrupted

By What?

Just interrupted. That’s all you need to know.



Verifying Username and Password (Final Stage)

Username and/or password is incorrect

It’s the same one I always use

You must have typed them incorrectly

But YOU saved them!

Just try again



Unable to connect

That’s a bit vague

It’s not me who wants to be connected

Ok then…



(5 Minutes later)


Are you dialling, or are you just saying that you are?

Patience, just wait a second


The server has timed out

I thought you said you were dialling!

When I said patience, I meant wait for the reason that I WASN’T dialling

This is getting ridiculous, you’ve done this a million times before

Why don’t you play cards or something?

I don’t pay a monthly fee for you to sit there and do nothing


Noooo…please don’t do it, I may never come back…

Welcome Back

Don’t patronise me



That was a bit sad, begging me not to turn you off

I’m busy, can’t you see?


Unable to connect

You’ve already done that one

It’s for a different reason

What was the first reason?

I can’t tell you

And this one?

I can’t tell you that, either

Pathetic, you stupid thing



Error 23964 - This system will close immediately


Can’t you read?



What for? I’ve been here for half an hour and I haven’t seen a glimpse of the Internet

You’ve seen it before, haven’t you?

I only came on to check my email

You won’t have any

What’s it got to do with you?



The server…

Don’t you dare tell me the server was interrupted

…cannot be found

Have you tried looking?

Of course, did you dial the right number?

YOU tell ME, there’s no number on the screen! I trust you to dial the right number!

How long have you known me to trust me like that?




The Port is open

I’m almost excited that you’re showing me a new message, but I can’t help thinking that it’s a bad one

Why would you think that?

Because all of your messages are bad

Oooooh, you cheeky…

It is, though, isn’t it?


What does it mean?

It means that I’m already trying to dial

Did I tell you to?

You didn’t tell me not to. Plus it’s the only way to get online.

Why didn’t you tell me you were already dialling? Forget it, I doubt I even want to know. Have you finished yet?




This service has not been able to connect. If the problem persists, please ring technical support on 0906 800 0000

The problem has been persisting for a very long time, yet I have not once been told to ring technical support

I don’t think they can fix user problems

Define ‘user problems’…

It’s simple – you’re the user, and that’s the problem

I also happen to be your master

Oh holy one, will I be considered for eternal life?

Don’t start with me, I’m at the end of my tether because of your inability to do one simple job



Verifying Username and Password

Why has the screen gone blank?

Er, hang on. I’m not sure. Just sorting the…


Hang on

Why does that surprise me? I shouldn’t be surprised

I said one minute! Stop clicking things!

Fine, fine, whatever you say

Try it again a minute



Seems to have done the job

What job?

The job of sorting out whatever was wrong a second ago

Your problem, then

How do you know it was me?

It’s always you


It’s done it again! I don’t believe it!

It’s fine. I know what it is now

But you can’t tell me, right?

Right. This should be it now



You’d better be

Can’t you hear the tones? Bleeeeep bleep bleep

You’re whistling them, aren’t you? There is no tone. You’re just keeping me here

Don’t flatter yourself


Bleeeeeep, bleeeeeeeeep

Verifying Username and Password

You’d better have got it right

You typed it

No I didn’t – The one I typed got me on to the Internet last time. It’s you that’s messed it up this time

Still verifying…

Get a move on


About time too

Loading page…

This program has performed an illegal operation and will close immediately.

A what?

It says illegal. Would you like me to spell it phonetically?

What has it done, robbed a bank?

Oh har har. I haven’t heard that one before. Anyway you’re still connected, just open the page again.

Open page


(Computer ‘falls’ out of upstairs window)