Revamp of Highway Code may be road to disaster

The Government’s radical new changes concern a number of motorists and driving authorities alike.

It’s a publication that many are aware of and have studied in the past in order to pass their driving test, but the Government has decided to make massive changes to the Highway Code to make the information easier to digest. Currently the rules of the road are only provided in a well recognised booklet, praised by many as being an informative and useful guide for a number of instructions such as signs and stopping distances.

The changes are being implemented by Donny Discharge MP, who states that current legislation is also going to be looked at. “Speed limits are outdated and could go out of the window altogether. Stopping distances vary from car to car and person to person, so a standard guide is as useful as throwing darts to find out how much your round will cost you”, he stated in a somewhat inebriated fashion. “The current booklet is invalid in today’s climate; unlike a nice bottle of wine, it has grown stale with age”.

Plans to implement the alterations are already in motion with a date to be set in the very near future. “We don’t want to drag our heels on this one. Like a nice glass of beer, the longer we leave it the flatter it will become”. Mr Discharge’s team consists of around fifteen individuals who have all agreed to the basic concept and are close to a unanimous vote on the final output. He told us, “With the new literature will come new locations and placement options. We could print the new code on beer-mats, for example, or perhaps even the drip towels that adorn most bars”.

Not everyone is keen on the idea. Non-motorist Sheila Peta told us, “Drivers these days don’t abide by the Highway Code as it is, let alone a new system with daft rules. This money could have been better spent on aviaries or estuaries. Maybe even a few garden centres. This man is a waste of much needed funds, plus my friend Rita says he’s a drunk”. The latter part of Ms. Peta’s statement has been denied by Mr Discharge personally, and should never have made it into this article.

However, despite the strong opposition, the Government believe the benefits far outweigh the problems and the move is almost certain to go ahead. Motorists are advised to read and remember the new code and to pass the information on, ensuring everyone is aware of the rules well before setting foot in a car again.

Mr Discharge has kindly provided a copy of the points to give our readers a head start:

1.Don’t hit anybody or anything with cars or car panels, such as doors.

2.Don’t get caught doing things you shouldn’t be doing in a car.