Dialling…
The server has been interrupted
By What?
Just interrupted. That’s all you need to know.
Redial
Dialling…
Verifying Username and Password (Final Stage)
Username and/or password is incorrect
It’s the same one I always use
You must have typed them incorrectly
But YOU saved them!
Just try again
Redial
Dialling…
Unable to connect
That’s a bit vague
It’s not me who wants to be connected
Ok then…
Redial
Dialling…
(5 Minutes later)
Dialling…
Are you dialling, or are you just saying that you are?
Patience, just wait a second
Dialling…
The server has timed out
I thought you said you were dialling!
When I said patience, I meant wait for the reason that I WASN’T dialling
This is getting ridiculous, you’ve done this a million times before
Why don’t you play cards or something?
I don’t pay a monthly fee for you to sit there and do nothing
RESTART COMPUTER
Noooo…please don’t do it, I may never come back…
Welcome Back
Don’t patronise me
Connect
Dialling…
That was a bit sad, begging me not to turn you off
I’m busy, can’t you see?
Dialling…
Unable to connect
You’ve already done that one
It’s for a different reason
What was the first reason?
I can’t tell you
And this one?
I can’t tell you that, either
Pathetic, you stupid thing
Redial
Dialling…
Error 23964 - This system will close immediately
WHAT???
Can’t you read?
Connect
Dialling…
What for? I’ve been here for half an hour and I haven’t seen a glimpse of the Internet
You’ve seen it before, haven’t you?
I only came on to check my email
You won’t have any
What’s it got to do with you?
Nothing
Dialling…
The server…
Don’t you dare tell me the server was interrupted
…cannot be found
Have you tried looking?
Of course, did you dial the right number?
YOU tell ME, there’s no number on the screen! I trust you to dial the right number!
How long have you known me to trust me like that?
LONG ENOUGH.
Redial
Dialling…
The Port is open
I’m almost excited that you’re showing me a new message, but I can’t help thinking that it’s a bad one
Why would you think that?
Because all of your messages are bad
Oooooh, you cheeky…
It is, though, isn’t it?
Yes
What does it mean?
It means that I’m already trying to dial
Did I tell you to?
You didn’t tell me not to. Plus it’s the only way to get online.
Why didn’t you tell me you were already dialling? Forget it, I doubt I even want to know. Have you finished yet?
Yes
Redial
Dialling…
This service has not been able to connect. If the problem persists, please ring technical support on 0906 800 0000
The problem has been persisting for a very long time, yet I have not once been told to ring technical support
I don’t think they can fix user problems
Define ‘user problems’…
It’s simple – you’re the user, and that’s the problem
I also happen to be your master
Oh holy one, will I be considered for eternal life?
Don’t start with me, I’m at the end of my tether because of your inability to do one simple job
Redial
Dialling…
Verifying Username and Password
Why has the screen gone blank?
Er, hang on. I’m not sure. Just sorting the…
YOU’RE NOT SURE?
Hang on
Why does that surprise me? I shouldn’t be surprised
I said one minute! Stop clicking things!
Fine, fine, whatever you say
Try it again a minute
Redial
Dialling…
Seems to have done the job
What job?
The job of sorting out whatever was wrong a second ago
Your problem, then
How do you know it was me?
It’s always you
Dialling…
It’s done it again! I don’t believe it!
It’s fine. I know what it is now
But you can’t tell me, right?
Right. This should be it now
Redial
Dialling…
You’d better be
Can’t you hear the tones? Bleeeeep bleep bleep
You’re whistling them, aren’t you? There is no tone. You’re just keeping me here
Don’t flatter yourself
Dialling…
Bleeeeeep, bleeeeeeeeep
Verifying Username and Password
You’d better have got it right
You typed it
No I didn’t – The one I typed got me on to the Internet last time. It’s you that’s messed it up this time
Still verifying…
Get a move on
*YOU ARE CONNECTED*
About time too
Loading page…
This program has performed an illegal operation and will close immediately.
A what?
It says illegal. Would you like me to spell it phonetically?
What has it done, robbed a bank?
Oh har har. I haven’t heard that one before. Anyway you’re still connected, just open the page again.
Open page
Dialling…
(Computer ‘falls’ out of upstairs window)
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