Sunday, 26 May 2013

Conversations With My Paintbrush

I've been writing a lot of dialogue recently for plays etc. and, as such, it has led me to have a million conversations in my head with objects that are within my proximity. Here's one from this morning that occurred while I was painting the underside of my Mini bonnet.

Me: I guess you're lucky this morning.

Paintbrush: Why's that?

Me: You get to paint with Hammerite.

Paintbrush: Why does that make me lucky?

Me: Being associated with such a good brand. We're essentially bullet-proofing this metal.

Paintbrush: I see what you're saying...

Me: Glad you agree.

Paintbrush: I didn't say I agreed.

Me: Oh?

Paintbrush: It's a privilege to be using such a good material, but think of it from my point of view.

Me: I've got plenty of thinners, it'll come out of your hair.

Paintbrush: I'm not worried about that, if anything hardened paint makes my hair look stylish.

Me: Right.

Paintbrush: It's the finished product, the bit that everyone looks at. They will either say one of two things.

Me: Such as..?

Paintbrush: They'll either say it looks really good, which they'll attribute to the Hammerite, or they'll say there are loads of runs and it looks rubbish which they'll attribute to you. Either way, good or bad, they won't mention me.

Me: It's a good point. Would you like me to name check you if people say what a good job we've done?

Paintbrush: Name check? Have you named me?

Me: Not really, but I could say, "Brushy and I did a good job".

Paintbrush: I'd rather not be mentioned than have a ridiculous name like 'Brushy'.

Me: OK, sorry. What would you rather be called?

Paintbrush: Forget it, it's not a big deal.

*Awkward silence*

Paintbrush: Your paint's started to run.

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